Thursday, August 19, 2004 - Questions and the Cleaning Lady
If I only had a little more time to think and consider the cleaning lady that wanted to trade pins with me. I was reprimanding myself for not having my pins on me after one of the workers at the IBC wanted to trade pins with me. Why did she ask me? Of all the thousands of people in the building, she asked me when I exited the CBC. The one chance I get to not be selfish with pins; I do not have them available, so I have started carrying one around in my pocket. It is an emergency pin, in case someone wants a CBC pin.
Why do I despise the pins? Why do I like it when the music distorts on my laptop? Why do I hate beach volleyball? What is it about the popular that I loathe with all my being?
Am I afraid that I will trade pins badly? Is it that I do not want to participate in something I know nothing about? Is it that I have to be all or nothing in my concentration? Was I made this way or is this a result of the fall? Is it holy hatred or a jealously? Am I just scared to follow? Is it that I will lose control?
“Help me tell the truth. All I want to do is tell the truth. I am not that shy. This is not goodbye and later on I will not know how. . . .Always coming around too late. I am always coming around too late. “ – Over The Rhine
The great thing about apathy is that it’s easy to sacrifice.
I am getting old enough that I am beginning to believe my own deductions and inductions. Do I have messed up beliefs on beauty? Am I depraved because of the fall and think that the unique is beautiful? Is it that bad that I forget to look in the mirror at least once a day? Is it evil? Is it un-beautiful? Am I not beautiful in the morning with morning breadth, bed head hair, and eye crust? Because I know that everyone else is seems to be in my opinion, and if everyone else is surely, surely I am, too. I hope I am. I have to be.
Do I need to come to Athens to shoot the man on the street? Sure no one plays backgammon in the Bluegrass, but they do play checkers. Will I always look away from the spotlight and spot the girl in the corner and want to corner her with love? Will I always disdain the excitement and prefer the placid yet peculiar? If the urge to be famous is not kindled, why urge the famous to kindle a relationship with me?
When pleasure and sacrifice balance on a scale,
obedience can only tip me off to the future
awaiting the dreamer.
When the thought outweighs the action
and the dream highlights the day,
the only purpose is be the pincushion of the competitive.
Every candle blows out and leaves a smell:
Be happy and take your portrait pictures
I’m reloading my words every time I see you smile,
because that is you and this is me
and my lighting is a little dim,
but the night isn’t bright and trite like this line.
~ Stephen
site: http://www.smjdesign.com/
writing: http://www.tpkpoetry.com/
photography: http://www.smjdesign.com/photo/
Why do I despise the pins? Why do I like it when the music distorts on my laptop? Why do I hate beach volleyball? What is it about the popular that I loathe with all my being?
Am I afraid that I will trade pins badly? Is it that I do not want to participate in something I know nothing about? Is it that I have to be all or nothing in my concentration? Was I made this way or is this a result of the fall? Is it holy hatred or a jealously? Am I just scared to follow? Is it that I will lose control?
“Help me tell the truth. All I want to do is tell the truth. I am not that shy. This is not goodbye and later on I will not know how. . . .Always coming around too late. I am always coming around too late. “ – Over The Rhine
The great thing about apathy is that it’s easy to sacrifice.
I am getting old enough that I am beginning to believe my own deductions and inductions. Do I have messed up beliefs on beauty? Am I depraved because of the fall and think that the unique is beautiful? Is it that bad that I forget to look in the mirror at least once a day? Is it evil? Is it un-beautiful? Am I not beautiful in the morning with morning breadth, bed head hair, and eye crust? Because I know that everyone else is seems to be in my opinion, and if everyone else is surely, surely I am, too. I hope I am. I have to be.
Do I need to come to Athens to shoot the man on the street? Sure no one plays backgammon in the Bluegrass, but they do play checkers. Will I always look away from the spotlight and spot the girl in the corner and want to corner her with love? Will I always disdain the excitement and prefer the placid yet peculiar? If the urge to be famous is not kindled, why urge the famous to kindle a relationship with me?
When pleasure and sacrifice balance on a scale,
obedience can only tip me off to the future
awaiting the dreamer.
When the thought outweighs the action
and the dream highlights the day,
the only purpose is be the pincushion of the competitive.
Every candle blows out and leaves a smell:
Be happy and take your portrait pictures
I’m reloading my words every time I see you smile,
because that is you and this is me
and my lighting is a little dim,
but the night isn’t bright and trite like this line.
~ Stephen
site: http://www.smjdesign.com/
writing: http://www.tpkpoetry.com/
photography: http://www.smjdesign.com/photo/
posted by Stephen M. James at 7:48 PM
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